‘ANARCHISTS PLAN TO WRECK ROYAL WEDDING’

Hilarious: Government to bring in new measures to stop anarchists targetting royal wedding and arrest ringleaders – of an event that only exists in Bob Broadhurst’s fervid brain!! Statement in parliament 3.30pm.  We are also promised a ‘Royal wedding ring of steel’ – Blimey you thought William could have afforded silver  at least!

Well according to Uncle Bob Broadhurst of the Met we are. After presiding over yet another policing fiasco – ‘anarchist mobs allowed to roam free on orgy of destruction’ – Bob has admited ‘we partly failed’. He admits that the Black Bloc’s mobility outhought the cops and that it ‘was very difficult to stop people who dont mind smashing things up in full view of the press’. So he’s now desperately trying to talk up Royal wedding protests so he can win  the rematch – and avoid the sack. So he’s threatening the use of stop and search powers and hinting yet more draconian public order legislation is needed. Bob desperately wants a re-match. Pugilists will recall that the champ never offers the defeated a re-match. I fear tis the sack for Uncle Bob. In the meantime the absence of any such plans won’t halt the Royal wedding riot stories…….’Daily Mail’ today has ‘anarchists plan to inflitrate royal pageant’ – presumably dressed up as postillions and Lords of the Bedchamber!  Remember searching the old french phrase book ‘ Ow you say – zee postillion has been struck by lightning?’

Like most folks  I know we’ll be heading to the central London street party organised by REPUBLIC for cucumber sandwiches and Pymms while old Uncle Bob Broadhurst  harrumphs around looking for a punch-up.

16 Comments

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16 responses to “‘ANARCHISTS PLAN TO WRECK ROYAL WEDDING’

  1. Carnera Dempsey

    unfortunately with modern day pugilism the return match is written in the contract.

  2. Dora Kaplan

    Too true. I reckon it’s the old P45 for Bobby puffdiddy – King of the Keystone Piggies. The dispossessed have sacked the citadel; the Ritz have lost the confidence of oligarchs, and HSBC will now have to shut up shop every time the Trots hold a pointless rally. The board of UK PLC is not amused. But what can they do…?
    If they ban the harmless A to B lefty carnival they simply make it obvious that direct action/strikes/occupations are the only effective actions. If they insist on arresting anyone under the age of 90 within a hundred yards of royal parasites or corporate property they will bring London to a standstill a face a deluge of lawsuits from outraged burghers.
    They’re fucked. And as it becomes increasingly obvious to a new generation that marching in circles and lobbying the TUC is utterly pointless the ‘violence’ and ‘disorder’ will only increase.

  3. Benjamin F

    Given the almost orchestrated press narrative: violent, hate-fulled anarchists are to blame – they are distinct from legitimate, peaceful (and ineffectual) marchers – I wouldn’t be surprised to see the coalition pushing forward a concerted legislative assault on ‘anarchists’. An assault which will include any direct action, or non-constitutionalist activist.

    I can almost hear the Labour Party leadership and TU barons applauding the regretable move….

  4. INCUBUS

    Who needs to riot when we can legally purchase and use festive stink bombs? Crunched underfoot by thousands of plainclothes anarchists strategically posted at key points along the Wedding route? Those sick-bags will have a practical use after all!

    ‘Two-Cakes’ William and Diana impersonator Kate will be forced to turn up their already snooty, oedipal, noses as the great unwashed unleash an almighty stench!

    Headlines will read- ‘Big Stink at The Royal Wedding ‘.

    Get your ‘stinkies’ in now while stocks last!

    • Rasta

      A long time ago in a country far, far away I heard that some reprehensible characters organized a welcoming party for former VP Dan “some spell it potato, I spell it potatoe” Quayle involving copious quantities of very salty and disgusting mashed potatoes doused in red, white and blue food dye, and a vomit-inducing medication called “ipecac.” (Don’t know if there’s a generic version you can get over here).
      A word of warning for any strong-willed, strong-stomached people who might be inspired to attempt anything similar: even when interrupted, the digestive process apparently makes blue food dye look greenish on the return journey, so I’m not sure if anyone really got the message of the red, white and blue welcome carpet – they might just have seen a bunch of people vomiting.

  5. even the chris knight stuff only results in an orgy and a party. its hardly a threat. with the military there and all these supporters, whilst it would be terribly fun to mess thins up, i think most would prefer the bristol style wedding of media distraction to have our own fun, bringing the press back to the real issues

  6. Idle Billy

    I would like to be first to draw Bob Broadhurst’s attention to the more imminent risk of Serb gunmen mistaking Kate Middleton for Jill Dando, or the Royal motorcade for the motorcade of the Arch Duke Ferdinand.

  7. armchair anarchist

    Just reading some stuff and see there is an advert from google for royal wedding coin. Not sure whats funnier selling royal wedding chintz or taking money from google ads

  8. INCUBUS

    @Rasta-
    yes man! Alternatively, I think it’s a german anarcho idea , a jam jar full of piss and potato skins left to percolate for a good few days (or much longer) in a warm place, apparently the stench is of room-clearing strength, and also puke inducing…Imagine, the Pretty Princess with her pretty dress, all streaked with spew…

  9. Peter Good

    One can only condemn the irresponsible reporting by the Mail and Telegraph over apparant Anarchist plans for the wedding of Wills and Miss Middleton.

    The fact is that the subject is not even on the agenda of next week’s Central Anarchist Command meeting. There is a possibility that it might be submitted for the following week. When, and if, a decision is reached appropriate communiques will be issued in the usual manner.

  10. john

    pour hot water on the remains of a jar of peanut butter,leave in warm place for a few weeks and you get one bad stench,suitable for those in the royal carriage.

  11. INCUBUS

    Getting better all the time!, how about hot piss, peanut butter and potato skins…left in a warm place? 🙂

  12. alan back on tyneside

    Have just left the first planning meeting for our republican party; there’ll be a bouncy squat for the kids of course, plus traditional english party games for the grown ups. Well, sort of…

    One game will be ‘pass the parasite’, the winner gets an old sindy doll with the duke of edinburgh’s face stuck on and instead of ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ we’re going to have ‘poke the stick up camilla’s bum’. That sort of thing.

  13. Ceiteach marschl

    I was thinking earlier that if a dozen or so anarchist mums could go to the mall dressed in union jack scarves and hats and be all giddy just like real royal groupies and if they took along their babies and prams pushchairs etc and a carrier bag with at least one shit filled nappy and if they waited till the royal arseholes passed in their open carriage then all together threw those nappies at silly Billy and his bit fluff then katys dress and billys uniform would look a hell of a lot better

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