Exclusive: Miliband can’t eat a bacon sandwich and admitted this week he doesn’t read newspapers or watch telly. The weirdo only reads obscure american economic journals. I can reveal that partner Justine confided years ago to Frances Osborne – Gideon’s wife, they holiday together – that Ed cant do a poo if there’s anyone in the next room – including children. Frances herself had to be shooed from the room by Justine under a pretext when Ed needed to do a poo.



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  1. aidan

    Never mind the Freudian implications of this – are you saying that the Millibands holiday with the Osbornes?

  2. L A Trine

    If oddball Ed doesn’t want anyone to hear the sound of his dump why not just put some toilet tissue in the bottom of the toilet bowl to deaden the sound?

  3. Dave

    What a cunt.

  4. Organic ap Grinder

    Thats nothing…

    I’ve been told that David Miliband hasn’t used a toilet since 1997. He became so tensed-up during the Blair government that he developed “froza analasia” (medical term ).

    Every so often they connect him to a kind of suction cleaner. You may laugh but I think its tragic that a politician of his stature and family background was reduced to a hoover attachment. And Denis Macshane and Hazel Blears (heroes) had to empty the bags. Up to twenty a day during the Iraq War.

  5. Dave.

    He can talk plenty of it though.

  6. Prisoner Cell Block H

    I wonder how weirdo Ed would cope in the slammer where we have communal bogs; you take a shit in front of everyone, screws and cons and all. And if you are unfortunate enough to be on ‘suicide watch’ they put you in a perspex see-through cell where you have lawyers and all sorts walking past looking in at you when you are taking a dump. Weirdo Ed should try it some time!

    • His Lordship

      All that in the slammer sounds like mollycoddling compared to what built our characters at the public school I went to!

  7. aidan

    A challenge to all our potential Prime Ministers – take a shit on camera to show us just how common you are.

  8. b

    So Ed Miliband didn’t go to public school then. Some of those places only got doors on the toilet cubicles in recent times.

    The Bullingdon Boys can drop their lunch without hangups anywhere, any time, in any company. Character!

  9. Fraser

    Is this not sit stirring?

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