Dear God in Heaven – we now have a hilarious two page spread in today’s Guardian by one ANGHARAD PENRHYN JONES on worrying that too much worrying about climate change may be depressing daughter Hanna. APJ just happens to be the wife of Guardian columnist and toff GEORGE MONBIOT – for there is a charming half page colour photo of them all in one of George’s 5 allotments.
Wife claims this loony is frightening his child
There is absolutely no way this pitiful middle class dross would have been entertained aywhere in the known universe if it wasn’t for Guardian nepotism – I won’t be surprised if baby Hanna’s editing the fucking paper next week. Angharad wails that ‘ a disproportionate number of my friends are climate change journalists’ – thats it – a whole new school of climate change journalism is de rigeur for the eco-toffs. But she’s frightened their gloomy dinner party babble is frightening young Hanna (age 2). Here’s some quality words from Angharad – George didnt write any of them honest – I did it all on my own :
‘When Hanna was nine months old she learned to crawl.Unfortunately she could only crawl backwards. It was like a metaphor for our fight to stabilise global temperatures…..”
Oh – Jesus – I’m not making it up…………….’If George and I live to be old ( GOD FORBID!)we could be leaving Hanna a world where civilisation has broken down’ …….oh the angst…maybe we wont be able to get Hanna into Cheltenham Ladies College! Maybe its unfair to even bring children into such a cruel world…..maybe we should move to Bridgend… IN A WEEK OF GUARDIAN NEPOTISM THIS REALLY IS THE FUCKING PITS!
Next week: ‘Is your baby suffering climate change journalism fatigue? Angharad answers your queries.
Is talk of nepotism upsetting your toddler? George Monbiot’s norland nanny answers your questions.
MONBIOTISM – SHOULD YOUR BABY BE VACCINATED AGAINST IT? Dr. Angharad’s third cousin explains why she prefers nettles. Does the MMR (More Monbiot Relatives) vaccination cause global warming?
Is CCJFS (Climate Change Journalism Fatigue Syndrome) the new CJD? Mark Lynas answers your questions from his Windmill in Old Amsterdam.
Is CCJFS contagious? What are the warning signs? Can it be cured?
Ian Bone 
the world turned downside up…hugh grant on acid reliving the glory days of cottaging with old boy tonnypandy in a hp bog…the fucking guardian…We’re crawling backwards to Xmas..
I’m going down to the Labour Exchange first thing Monday morning to see if I can find myself an agreeable position as a climate change journalist
My son has recently started running around in circles shouting “bum, bum, bum, bum”.
Could this be a metaphor for climate change journalism I wonder?
Hahah, I swear, you couldn’t make this shit up.
When MY child learnt to crawl backwards before going forwards I just thought it was funny!
I never dreamed it was a metaphor for eco-armageddon (or a something I could cash in on as a journalist). How thick am I, eh?
Fortunately a disproportionate number of my friends *aren’t* climate change journalists – something I will be glad of *every single day* from now on.
I love the Guardian me, but I seriously think I’m going to have to give it up. W0t a bunch of cunts. And doesn’t it just make you want to go out and burn carbon like there’s no tomorrow, just to wind ’em up?
What is the obsession with the guardian?Who gives a damn-most people I know don’t even read it. There are lots of stuff in local newspapers that annoy people that affect their lives-not this
on a more serious note, is it not tragic that a once proud organ of leftie thought and campaigning journalism ( manchester remembered) has ended up in such a pitiful load of mindwank….a fuckin disgrace, a shit and a shame
I am now determined to increase my emissions, enlarge my carbon footprint and demand loads of plastic carriers at the checkout.
ian, you’ve made us laugh really hard. Nevertheless, we are in climate emergency and parents do face the prospect of having to explain stuff to their kids. Angharad PJ began a discussion that has to take place. And let’s remember, if it is class war, climate change journalists are not the real enemies. This climate chaos began and is perpetuated by big business and global and local Capital.
How can you be so cruel? This was a beautifully written, deeply touching article that exposed universal truths about mankind’s place in the cosmos, written in a pure spirit of knowing innocence and higher conciousness … only for this glittering yet evanescent bubble of divine wisdom to be pierced by the spite and anger of one who cannot bear truth, beauty, innocence or sincerity and the light it casts into the dark recesses of his tortured mind. Having said that Ian Bone is funny though.